Things Are CRAZY

This is so cute I had to put her in! :)

Well, things here have been a bit CRAZY. Leo had his cardiac catheterization at Backus on the 28th. They found a good sized blockage in an area of his triple bypass area from 2 years ago this Nov 20th. Normally he would have been immediately transported to Hartford Hospital either for a stint (his 4th) or another bypass... but his cardiologist here spoke to his cardiologist in Hartford and where this blockage is its in a "tricky spot" and surgery may "do more harm than good". So for now until the 11th of Nov. his meds have been changed a bit and if there is no positive change then we take a ride to Hartford and a surgery will be done, with that "doing more harm than good" chance to take. He is trying to get affairs in order FOR ME. I don't want "affairs"!!!!!!! I want to keep my husband for Christs sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have not slept more than a couple hours a night in weeks with worry and sick. My own BP is thru the roof. I just keep praying and praying. Can we please just have a normal life? This is insane!

I have to see an Ear, Nose and Throat dr Tuesday because for a while my right ear has been suffering.... my sinuses get so clogged that my inner ear gets to preasured and I get so dizzy and nauseas and sick. I have to take Antivert. It is CRAZY!.

We have like no money. I am working parttime still with Ahna. Leo cannot work any longer. We both get social security. The holidays are here. I hate them. And "The Mom and Dad" are going to FL. for xmas. We will house and kitty-sit Bootsie. But it will be 2 years since my Silver died.

Thats it for now I guess. Any prayers sent this way would be appreciated.

Our Grandson's 1st Birthday 10/23/08

Jacob turned one year on Wednesday. Leo got to see him with his daughter in a dcf visit with his "foster family". And it is being worked on that perhaps Leo and I may become Jacob's foster family in the future... not adopt him... but be his "guardians" and raise him. That is in the the works for the future, as his foster family has been just noted to be doing some things that are not quite legal like changing his birth name for one. That is a no-no. A court date is set for this Tues for Jacob's Mom. But Leo will be having his heart procedure. Anyway, Leo enjoyed his visit with his daughter and grandson.

Anyway, the visit was good. Jacob is so tiny for one. He is walking just holding onto one finger. He says "hi" and "yes". He loves his toys and books. He eats just about everything!

6 months Monday

Tomorrow will be our 6 month wedding anniversary........... altho sometimes it seems like a lifetime and other times it seems like just yesterday...... not enough time. I am kind of depressed today..... geeeeeez, when I should be happy! But our life is so far from normal and I am sick of it. I can live with not being able to have children. I can live with my husband never being able to work again. I can even live with the daily weekly budget crunch and the tiny space we have to live in... not a glorious home. But it is sickening to have to fear daily how long we have left together on this earth. It is exhausting to us both. I am elated that we have made it 6 months tomorrow as husband and wife... I just have this space in my mind and heart that cries silently "will we have another 6 months together as husband and wife?". But yet I would never go back and change anything. I would never go back and NOT be with him because of his health or fear of his passing. Does not matter when or how long we have have, he is mine.

So HAPPY 6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY tomorrow honey!

"Mom"and"The Dad"... Bootsie pics 4 U

Here are the pictures of darling Bootsie we have from when we kitty-sat her last Christmas. We are looking forward to being with her again. Altho she loves Leo best.

Leo's Heart

Leo can no longer work. He has been to the cardiologist in the past week yet again. His color is gone, his BP is eratic, his breathing labored, he is very tired, his ekg is anbormal, he is having chest pressure and pain again like with his previous heart attacks and before his bypass 2 years ago and before his 3 stints that had to be put in. So he is having an angiogram and to see is either a stint or more has gone bad and needs replacing or he needs a new one in a new area or he needs another heart bypass. we are hoping it is just a stint issue and not another open heart bypass. we will know in a couple weeks. It is always this time of year his heart goes bad. It is rediculous. Anyway its very worrisome, stressful, scarey, you name it. Our 6 month wedding anniversary is the 20th of this month.
Well, sometimes I just wish we had a quote "normal" life. But I love him so this it. This is our normal. I would never go back if it meant not having him at all.
Time for bed. I am exhausted...... yes early.

Hey "Mom"?????????????????

Who does our little kitty down on the right remind you of????????????????? Anyone??????????????????????? Hee Hee!!!!!! She kinda looks likes Bootsie-girl and sounds like Missy-girl did...... I miss Missy.

Our Grandson

Ok, here are the few pics we have of Leo's grandson, Jacob Mathew, who will be one year on the 23rd of this month. Sadly tho he was taken from Leo's daughter and her husband when he was one month old with suspiscion of abuse because of some fractured ribs and a fracture in his leg and he was not feeding properly. He has been in a DCF family since and will remain and adopted out there. Leo's daughter has pretty much been cleared of charges with all charges facing her husband. And we all have known all along he has been hiding things, not fessing up and probably holding things over Leo's daughter to keep her mouth shut. He is facing hefty time... he is already in jail. We hope our daughter can still continue with weekly visitations with her son... but she knows giving up all rights needs to happen. She is still a child herself and sadly got caught up in the wrong situation. And sadly her little boy got caught up in it too innocently. We hope he will grow up happy and healthy... altho he does have some of the family health issues to face perhaps. And one day may need to seek out his Mom for that reason. And we hope his Mom can heal from losing her baby boy. And Leo for losing a grandson. This is a difficult and trying time especially with last year at this time we all were excited at the prospect of baby Jacob coming any day now. We do not know if Leo his daughter will see Jacob on his one year birthday. We hope so.

A Lonnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg Time Ago...........!

Ok, well, this month is the anniversary a longggggggggggggggggggggg time ago of when my honey and I first officially got together. He had more weight on him in these pics and it was actually a month before his heart attack and triple bypass heart surgery at Yale. And he is still here. And we are married now. Been thru so much but still here. Hopefully we will have many years to come.

My babygirl

Ok, so this is Silver. She was not originally mine. She was "the mom" and "the dad's" and their kids. They took me in when I dated their youngest son years ago. Silver and I took to one another right away. despite my allergies. Their son went off to boot camp and told Silver to take care of me. Well, she took that job very seriously. Even after we broke up, she still could not take good enough care of me or be close enough to my side. When I moved to my own place, it was hard on us both. Then Silver came to live with me at my place for a while. She was the cats meow, which was good cuz she was a cat, LOL, to be with me all to herself in "our" apartm,ent. She greeted me when I opened the door every day. She was sad when I left. She followed me everywhere after i came home from work until i sat and settled with dinner and she could lay as close to me as possible. She would sleep with me as close as her body could get to mine purring away reaching her paw up to my face. greeting me at dawn with a cold nose on my eyelids to see if i was really still sleeping or not because she wanted fresh food...... not stale stuff from last night. if i moved half an inch she'd leap off the bed to the kitchen......... only i didnt follow so she would be back to wake me! She warmed my heart deeper and farther than anyone or anything ever will again. And i hope i did the same for her. the couple mins before Dr Minor put her down, she was looking at Leo. She could not stand or walk. But Leo had something to say to her. So she got up and took a couple weak steps to him and i guess he told her its ok now, her job is done, she took care me and now he will take over he promises to. And she understood. She started purring. And when I held her and hugged her so close sobbing, she purred. But that was the hardest thing ever in life for me. Losing Silver and being without her almost 2 years in Dec has put a hole in my heart that is unreplaceable. It just sits there unfilled. The memories will always be there. But I miss her so very much. But I thank god she was in my life... she always will be my babgirl. The 12 years I knew her were the best of my life......