Depression

Was going to blog SOMETHING because there is a lot to say... but I can't find the words. Seems everything is not right. If you are wondering what "everything" is... guess you will have to keep wondering because I am in such a deep state of depression and going down further that I cannot even say what "everything" is even though I really somehow know. If that oddly makes any sense at all. I suppose the above says it all...

WellI am editing after a whole nites of no sleep and getting my med box filled and talking with the psych nurse about "things" and I have my appointment with the psychiatrist Monday as scheduled but of course he will be asking me how I am and I will have to answer. If I do not answer he can not deem me safe to go home. If I answer how I am honestly feeling 95 percent of the time the last 5 days or so... he can not send me home. If I lie, well, I should know better than that from my past. I have been down this road before but not for a very long time I have to admit. And it is NOT a medication issue... I do know this. I know what it is. But no one understands. Maybe I just need time. I don't know. But I am sick too. And that is not good.

Last visit with Jacob

Jacob was officially adopted out to the foster family he has been with since he was a month old, last week. He is almost 15 months olds and so cute. Leo had a last visit with him last week with his daughter. But there will be somewhat of an "open adoption". Anyway, he is just too cute. He is so tiny for his age but so much spunk.

2009

Well, it has been a while since I blogged anything. I have tried but I guess things have been "difficult" so I just could not find words really if that makes any sense. Thanksgiving came and went. I woke on that day very ill 103 temp, shaking, chills, sweating, tummy hurt, etc.... and it continued for about 2 weeks. I was put on an antibiotic on the 5th day. The 3rd week I started feeling better but relapsed after a month. Just a nasty viral thing I guess. Both Leo and I seem to be passing things back and forth the past 2 months. We have gotten weird weather..... either 8000 degrees below zero or 8000 degrees above. No wonder we are sick. We have gotten a couple whopper huge massive snow storms. YAYYYYYYY!!!!!!! NOTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leo's heart situation is bleak. I don't even want to go there. The cardiologists are idiots. He is 48. But hey, lets just sit around and just wait for my husband to have another heart attack and die, shall we?!!!!! Anyway, we had a quiet Christmas. It is a hard time for me still. Missing my Mom, Nana, Uncle, and my sweet babygirl Silver. I want to get anothwer kitty but I am allergic. Besides no one can come close to my babygirl. Oh yes and Medicare decided they are no longer going to cover one of my major blood pressure meds and my nexium..... both i desparatelt need. So the dr is trying to get the prior authorization for 2009 for coverage. I am so annoyed.

SO HAPPY NEW YEAR!. HUGS TO ALL.

Sorry for my negative whining post. I hope our year is a better one.