Am posting a slideshow of some pics of my Mom, some baby pics, my brother and 2 nephews and niece, and my nephew and 2 great baby nephews. I have more photos and will be making another slideshow. There is only enough room in a slideshow for pics. So more shows to follow... (oh and GRRRRRRRRRRR... I do not know why the captions ae not showing up saying who is in each photo... it is supposed to.)

AN UPDATE OF SORTS...

Mystic River Afternoon 6/29/09

I have neglected this blog for quite sometime. I guess just for the simple fact that so much has been happening and writing just felt "overwhelming" and still does. So I will just leave you with this video from my phone from a beautiful afternoon spent at downtown Mystic watching the old drawbridge go up and the boats pass through, sitting on the dock with our footies in the cool water. Wonderful destressing few hours... that we need again. Things are very difficult right now....

Such is life...

1st Anniversary and Birthday! And a Special Photo

Ok... well I am putting a photo of my precious Mom I finally got scanned... that I couldn't get up on the 1st in her honor... This pic is how I remember her... sorry the qualit is not that good... it is a copy of a copy. I look at her in this pic and just look for minutes and minutes and don't move.... its like shock still after 20 yrs. :( Cuz she is the most beautiful thing on earth...
Ok so I turned 36 on April 18th. Yay. We didn't do much. Then our first wedding anniversary was on the 21st. Again, we didn't do much. Leo is working 3 nights straight and sleeping a lot of the rest of the time!. I too am working and have not been myself. But Leo is himself. And I hate it. LOL. Anyway. It is warm and nice.
"The Mom" is still here till June finishing teaching while the dad is in their new home in FL with Bootsie and all their stuff. Waiting for this house to sell. Either way she will be leaving in june. :( It is hard. She has been a Mom for so long. It will hard to not have her near.
I am thinking we might head to the beach it is so nice today. So I am cutting this short...

20 Years... Survived!

This little is funky guy above is kinda how I felt today... all discombobulated and mangled and annoyed and upset. But all in all... considering... I think I have done pretty darn well handling this 20yr mark of Mom's death. Lots of horrible memories of course. Only yelled and screamed a few times... LOL. And that was at my therapist... bless her heart. I am extremely exhausted. So maybe I am going to try to sleep now.

Oh and my brother called my this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!! Total shock!!!!!!!!!!!!! That made my day I think. I know it did. :)

I miss you Mom... and more than you or anyone will ever ever know.

News

The Mom and the Dad have purchased a nice home in ST. Augustine FL and The Dad and Bootsie have already moved in with their belongings. Mom is staying in CT in the Lisbon home with a bed, tv, microwave, and a few odds and ends until she retires in June from teaching. Then she will be headed south. Leo and I are sad... mostly I... because they have been my family for 15+yrs. and Silver... my sweet kitty is buried here at that home. and Leo and I were Wed at that home. But in October we plan to drive to visit... the 8th - 22nd.

Leo is back working !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not thrilled about it since he had another hospital stay few weeks back. But the dr seems to deem it safe. Whatever.

Not much to say this time.......... I am not into blogging much anymore...........

RANDOM NEW THINGS!!!!

Ok, This is kind of a random post........
We finally got an upgrade to our ancient cellphones and we got the verizon EnV2's they open to a full keyboard and have unlimited pic/vid texting and internet and IM'ing which is totally cool. But I have taken pics galore........ some good some crappy. Here beloww........ tonites brownies...... yummmmo!!!!!! There are pics of The Mom and Dad who sadly are moving to FL very very soon but I am trying so hard to deal. I think Leo and are drining in Oct to visit them.... YAYYYY...... Road Trip! Also Pics I took Are Of my precious girly girl Ahna I watch... the light of my life most days... She is autistic but far from stupid. I have included a little vid. I also included a pic of my best friend and SIL... Leo's sis, Mary and BIL, Butch... my sweetie always making me smile..... they are the greatest. Anf the little munchkin babyboy is my sweet nephew... Jake, my brother's youngest... he is so cute at 16 month old and such the ladies man... LOL... but has his daddy's temper! As you can see in the pic of him on the floor.
I am having a rough time............. not kidding anyone or myself... April 1st is coming, 20 long years since my mom died by the hands of that monster and I just need her and want her so badly it hurts so very very much. I am going to be 36 in 2 months. She was 41 when she died. How weird is that. Real soon I will be older than she was when she died. :(

THE YUMMMMMMMO BROWNIES I MADE TONITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHNA VERY INTENT ON THE CAMERA PHONE... I'D TAKE A PIC AND SHOW HER AND KNEW IT WAS HER. THEN SHE TRIED TO TAKE ME NEW PHONE AWAY! LOL!!!!!!!!!!

MY HONEY AND I RIGHT AFTER GETING NEW PHONES

YES MY DARLING HUSBAND SHAVED HIS HEAD!!!!!!! GRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

SUCH A SPECIAL "MOM".... NO MATTER WHAT

A VERY BEAUTIFUL "MOM" ALWAYS...

THE MOST SELF=LESS CREATURES I HAVE EVER MET..

LOOK AT THOSE HAPPY HANDSOME TODDLER FACES!!!!!!!

MY ZONKED OUT BABY NEPHEW

JAKEYPOO SO DEEP IN THOUGHT.... PLOTTING SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OHHHH THAT SWEET SHY INNOCENT FACE!!!!

OOOOOPS I THINK HE GOT CAUGHT!!!!

THATS MY JAKEYPOO... WANTS WHAT HE WANTS WHEN HE WANTS IT!

MY SIL AND VERY BF... ALWAYS

MY BIL AND BFIL... ALWAYS


Ahna playing her MAC computer game all by herself... she turns it on herself plays it herself (cat in the hat) and says words with it and shuts it down herself. She is so smart even though she is autistic! So proud of her.
This is classic laid back Ms. Ahna Ruth with the remote control in hand watching her DVD's and giggling at me. I just love this girl so much... course I have been with her for more than 11 of her 11 1/2 years.

THIS IS A VALENTINES DAY PUPPY PUPPET U OPERATE WITH YOU HAND AND IT SINGS AN OLD CARPANTERS SONG.... FOR THOSE OF US THAT ARE OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER!!!!!!!! EVEN ME! LEO GOT IT FOR ME. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN REALLY CLOSE

Depression

Was going to blog SOMETHING because there is a lot to say... but I can't find the words. Seems everything is not right. If you are wondering what "everything" is... guess you will have to keep wondering because I am in such a deep state of depression and going down further that I cannot even say what "everything" is even though I really somehow know. If that oddly makes any sense at all. I suppose the above says it all...

WellI am editing after a whole nites of no sleep and getting my med box filled and talking with the psych nurse about "things" and I have my appointment with the psychiatrist Monday as scheduled but of course he will be asking me how I am and I will have to answer. If I do not answer he can not deem me safe to go home. If I answer how I am honestly feeling 95 percent of the time the last 5 days or so... he can not send me home. If I lie, well, I should know better than that from my past. I have been down this road before but not for a very long time I have to admit. And it is NOT a medication issue... I do know this. I know what it is. But no one understands. Maybe I just need time. I don't know. But I am sick too. And that is not good.